Things on, around, and through the web…would appreciate thine thoughts, bitte.

Answers in Genesis - here is one of my problems with the whole faith v. reason debate. There is no debate. They are fundamentally separate issues, and there are elements of both in the either. That isn’t the point. I am annoyed when creationists cite “scientific” evidence of their beliefs: Shroud of Turin, pieces of the Ark, etc…if they are allowed to use science when it supports their argument, then they can’t ignore it when it doesn’t. Sorry. Creation Museum???

Addicting Games - If you haven’t been there, its well laid out. Got me through college. Try Slime Volleyball.

Hercules - Remember (maybe it was just me), when you were young and super into Greek mythology? Well, here’s a classic to re-whet your appetite. Read the whole thing, you’ll enjoy it.

Early 90s – Seinfeld, In Living Color, Jim Carry (pre- “The Majestic”), great combo.  Oh, and Jamie Foxx makes an appearance.

Great before work – Dan Shanoff used to right a column for espn.com called “The Quickie”. He retains that style here. Sure, there’s a lot of focus on Instant History (everything that just happened is the best ever), but he does a good job of getting the salient sports points of the day quickly. Also good links to other good bloggers. A must before the workday.

Perfect - prepare to spend hours.

Happy Halloween! - wow. Love “The One Pumpkin”. Of course I do.

Ok, nothing too revolutionary, but maybe you’ll stumble on something you like. Since I am out of comission (for another 2 weeks! this sucks!), I don’t have much to report.

Ryan Gosling Weekend:

Lars and the Real Girl - RG plays Lars, a single man who lives in the garage of his childhood home. Bro and sis-in-law live in the house. Lars is painfully shy and afraid of touch. People in town love him and want the best for him, but he doesn’t see it. He has deeper family issues which influence his relationship with his brother, and especially, women. There is a cutie at work who openly pines for him, whom he rebuffs. He eventually decides to purchase a mail order bride and treat her as his main gal. Oddly, the confidence he finds in having her as a mate spills over to the rest of his life, strengthening all of his other relationships. The love and support of the town (unrealistic) leads them to get past their initial confusion/revulsion and accept “Bianca” because thats what Lars needs. Bianca become popular (she gets elected!), and we see both Lars, and his family make progress. Not much happens, not many twist, some genuine laughs, but in general the movie suffers from a lack of any real conflict. I give it 5.5/10 (#580 on The List)

The Believer - A jew. A nazi. Wait, they’re the same person. Based on a true story, and appropriately engaging. RG plays Danny, a young jewish man in new york who is prone to wearing swastika t-shirts, and anonymous beatings. He is thoroughly menacing, carrying a scrawny frame with wiry muscle and a willingness to do what it takes in a fight. What separates him from the rest of his brooding, hate-ful troupe is his articulate intelligence. He knows judaism in and out, and that fuels his staunch anti-semitism. Despite a litany of excuses for his hatred, he ultimately concedes that the reason jews are hated is simply because they are jews. No other reason is necessary. However, he can’t escape his heritage, and he finds a pseudo-compassion which eventually leads to a redemptions of sorts. Good acting by RG, the rest of the cast just bides their time. I say 7.2/10 (#243).

My feet are swollen. A diet of craw-grass and fireberries has  lengthen and tightened my muscles, but not strengthened them. My mind alternates between thoughts of the past, and thoughts of the future. No one at home understands my reasons, my demands. I cannot think that those in my path will either. An ant crawls across my food, pausing briefly to examine a whorl of hair on my toe. I envy the ant his determination, for I fear I am losing mine.

1. Being pseudo-injured is the worst.  I have no visible maladies. I am in good spirits. I can walk upright and maintain a conversation. And yet, I’m not allowed to run, jump, play, have fun, get into mischief, or any of that. Frustrating. Of course, I see the Doc on tuesday, and allah-willing, i will get a clean bill of health. For those of you wondering about my mystery illness, see Belzer, MD.

2. I can’t decide if I shouldn’t care that it is soon to be halloween, or if it just bores me.

3. The show Friends is better than most people give it credit for.

4. The Orseund Bridge is SOO BADASS.

5. Just to live up to the title.

My current bloggoal now is to write every day. Impossible you say? Close, maybe, but as was discussed last night over whiskey, ice cubes, and longgislands, a blog a day keeps the people happy. So, while I don’t really have anything to rant, rave, or reveal, I will just write something to pass the time. A mindless filler.

Even Mr. Samback is disappointed with me.

I sit quietly by the crackling campfire. It produces a flat light which illuminates the pale face of my canvas tent, and little else. My mind meanders and I think of the life that I left…and the life I am seeking. I shiver. A log in the fire pops, sparks fly, my eyelids turn heavy and I drift to sleep.

So at the end of that seinfeld episode, when George uses that sweet “Jerk Store” line, the recipients boss claims that insultee’s wife is in a coma. This pretty much puts George in a box, and is presumably the end of the line for him. During the closing credits, however, we see George driving back from La Guardia airport muttering to himself about possible comebacks that he could have used. Ah ha! He’s got it and he flips a bee-yatch, and heads back to the airport. What could George possibly have said at that point?!? Debilitating illness in a family member pretty much trumps all aces, and the back-and-forth yo-mamas come to an end.

“Well, I was wondering why she was just laying there!”

“Good! Then I’m glad it wasn’t me!”

“Yeah, how do you think she got there?!”

Ya see? There’s nothing. George is in a tiny tiny box, which of course is quite familiar to him.

FYI everyone, both Barack and Hillary both support the death penalty, they aren’t perfect.

Mitt Romney opposes medical marijuana. I don’t think I could say anything espousing the rediculousness of illegalized mary-jane that hasn’t already been said, so I won’t try.

A woman once told Calvin Coolidge that she was bet that she couldn’t get him to say more than 3 words all night. “You lose”, replied the 30th Mr. President.

Congratulations to D-Erg and her wonderful race on Sunday. Marathon next year? I think so.

Anything new in my life? I’ve decided that the time that I get up is not conducive to studying, so I will round up the 6am to 7am hours that I’ve been attempting to study 4 days a week, and move them to the weekends. Therefore, if I cannot be found on a given saturday or sunday, saunter on down to the Dunn’s on university, toss aside the roving minstral, belly up to
joester, and order a steaming ethiopian. Mr. Samback will likely be there, alternating between Proust (just watched Little Miss Sunshine), and Garfield.

Fresh tapioca spilled on the floor is to disappointing as the vikings are to…..?

Apples to Apples, give it a shot!

The morning mist cools my heels and clears my webby brain. I’ve been upstream for a day and a night, and the minimal signs of life I didn’t really expect, are nowhere to be seen. Eerieness is walking through the woods in silence, with no background hoots, barks, chirps, or growls. I subsist on my meager rations.

The stream burbles and broils in its busy bed and pays me no mind.

Yesterday I got off work at 1pm. Y’see sometimes my job isn’t THAT bad. Sure I will often work late late nights, but just as often I get to leave at 1 on a Friday. Hip hip!

So, after a brief stop at Lund’s for some medical supplies (Niacin, for all of the drug tests I need to pass), I arrived at home. Observe:

1400 – 1430: Alternating between sleeping in the bathtub and reading Muscle and Fitness in the bathtub
1430 – 1500: Preparing, eating, and not really enjoying a chicken tortilla wrap. ESPNews as well.
1500 – 1600: Napping face down on the guest bed, with Shermo also sleeping on my ass.
1600 – 1700: Reruns of “Malcom in the Middle”
1700 – 1900: Starsky and Hutch (movie – 1 star)
1900 – 2100: Tomkats (movie – 0 stars)
2100 – 2200: Doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen
2200 – 2359: Red Sox v. Angels. No Jacoby sightings.
000 – sleepy time

As you can see I pretty much spent 10 straight hours in the bath, asleep, or watching TV. Now, the application process for becoming my apprentice is long and arduous, so only the fortituous of heart and intestine should apply. Also, with that much lying around, I cannot accept anyone who is prone to bedsores, restlessness, or muscle atrophy. Send me your name and number via smoke signal, and I will contact you.

Today my goals are to:
1. Go grocery shopping
2. Move some furniture for G’s mom.
3. Clean Bob (my new truck, for the uninitiated)

Mr. Samback is sleeping. Don’t bother trying to wake him up, he has a ritual.

I leave the home camp and consider making the trek to River alone. Everyone around here is to scared to make that run, even in a group. My mind doesn’t work that way. I have everything I need, and anything I don’t can be found along the way.

My mind is made up. I will go.

I will not like you if you spell your name:

Kris
Cris
Jhon
Arak

Ok, ok, it was your parents choice to name you that. You’re right, my bad.

E-Colostomy Bag pointed out that I get up too early for Skip “I might be a Vampire” Bayless. Well put. Here are my options:

1. Reruns of “Saved By The Bell”, in all of its glorious incarnations
2. Reruns of “Coach”
3. Get fit with Gilad
4. Robin and Company
5. The creepy skinny guy with the bad goatee telling us all how important it is to have a clean colon
6. Bad local news (“Coming up at 6…three things that you do every day, that are killing you!…back in a moment”)

Not many options, though SBTB and Coach did get their fair shot.

Things that you think are healthy (and they are, for most people) that a bodybuilder wouldn’t dream of eating pre-contest:

1. Apples
2. Oranges
3. Bananas
4. This could take awhile. Fruit in general.
5. Rice
6. Tomatos (i know, its fruit. Spare me.)
7. Granola
8. Yogurt
9. Pretty much all milk products (cows have hormones bodybuilders don’t want, and lactic acid makes your face puffy)
10. Carrots (a suprising amount of sugar)
11. Corn (see #11)

Things a bodybuilder CAN eat while pre-contest

1. Chicken
2. Tuna
3. Lean cuts of steak
4. Egg whites
5. Green, leafy produce
6. Protein shakes
7. Water
8. Peanut butter

And really thats about it. Makes you kinda glad you only came *thisclose* to stepping up onstage, but instead opted for a life of pure sanity. People will always question what it is about bodybuilders that makes them do what they do. Miserable most of the time. Grouchy (lack of carbs). Hungry. Tired. Sore. I think that the attraction to bodybuilding (past all the people who do it for aesthetics, they wouldn’t stand a chance on stage…i’m talking about the people whose look isn’t very pretty, so big, so veiny, etc…) is the discipline, the self-control, a bit of exhibitionism, and the rush that you can get to show the world what you have…nothing hidden. These are many of the reasons I did my first show. I cannot *guarantee* that I will never do one again, but somethings would have to change. I would have to be independently wealthy so that I can focus only on that, and still have time for a social/family life. So, until that day, I will focus on other, more sane challenges. My next one is a powerlifting meet in december. As with the Marathon and Mr. Minnesota, I am not doing it to win, but to push myself to an extreme, to see what I am made of. I will provide more details when I have them.

Mr. Samback would like to point out that when he was in the army, he was routinely called upon to large amounts of pushups. He was able to do this through a diet of green beans and frankfurters.

Ok. I was wrong, Hung is Top Chef. I thought it was Casey’s for the taking, but she dropped the ball. Her menu never came together, and it wasn’t even as good as Dale’s. Hung is the man.

Mr. Samback is looking at me with quite the smug look on his face. I remind him that his prognostication didn’t come true either. He doesn’t want to talk about it.

For breakfast:

9 eggwhites (54 g protein), 1/2 cup shredded fat free cheese (18 g protein, 6 g carbs), 1/2 cup raw uncooked oatmeal (54 g carbs, 10 g protein), some splenda, 1 glass water, Rox-Phils highlights, Skip Bayless, Old Spice shower gel, orange toothpaste, socks, 3 minute nap, power trip morning show

Leave me alone, I just want to sit here and work without all of the distractions caused by multiple brain contusions.

Snapshot:

1. Empty styrofoam cup, soon to be un-empty
2. Blinking light on phone (message recieved)
3. Dusty coffeepot (need to brew, need to brew)
4. Slightly dented diet cherry coke can (awaiting further instructions)
5. Actuarial calculator (reverse-polish notation, thankyouverymuch)
6. Knitted cubicle buddies
7. Pre-Jo is working, I am studying (who is winning? neither…both?)
8. A-Ka not here yet
9. Rick is.
10. Did you hear that Michael Jackson died?
11. Overheard: “You’re a nutjob, where are you now!?”
12. The Better Half can’t compete

Enjoy, but don’t thank me until you are pre-approved.

Excellent book I just finished, and highly recommend:

“Prose and Kahns: A detailed history of Mongolian Novelists”

This summer G and I began watching on Bravo, natch, a reality show called “Top Chef“. Now, I am certainly not one to get into reality shows, but this one has me hooked. Even Mr. Samback (fastest orator west of Big Bass Tack and Feed) approves of the show. There is no gimmick, it is typical reality style format: 1 person voted off per week. I like it because it involves a real skill (cooking), and people are voted off for real reasons (lack of cooking skill). Only they are not voted off, they are removed (“Please pack your knives, and go!”), by a panel of:

1. The super-hot ex-Mrs. Rushdie, Padma Scararm.
2. Bear-community pundit and baldie Tom Colecchio (sp?)
3. Gale “Nose Tackle” Simmons (of Food & Wine Magazine)
4. Random guest judge who intimidates/inspires/awes the contestants.

Tonight is the finale, so I’m going to break down the contestants and hopefully come to a prediction. Mr. Samback will continue his stunningly obvious prognostications on the sideline.

Contestants: Dale, Casey, Hung

Likeability: Dale is, in his own words, “A big gay chef”. He is finding himself through this competition, and realizing that he is actually a really good cook. He always is good for a funny line (“I don’t know anything about cowboys. I’ve slept with some, but thats it.”), and is generally good-humored and willing to help out the other contestants

Casey also is very sweet, willing to aid other contestants, despite the fact that she is in competition with them. Shares a passion for food, learned from her grandmother, which she enthusiastically displays.

Hung is the token A-hole. He is “nice”, but he obviously says what the judges want to hear. He rarely will offer any advice or help to other contestants, and is clearly in it to win it, burned bridges be damned.

Advantage: Dale/Casey

Socio-Political Factor: Bravo prides itself on offering a variety of shows, directed at various lifestyles. Unfortunately their first two season winners were straight white dudes. (Although Ilan from season 2 wore plenty o’ skinny black jeans, mitigating the blandness a bit). <- not sure where to put this period, if at all. Bravo is in desperate need of a different kind of winner, and they got just what they are looking for: A gay man, a woman, and a Vietnamese son of immigrants. All of them bode well for Bravo’s desired demographic.

Advantage: 3-way tie.

Technical Skill: Advantage Hung. No debate. Every judge, when judging his food, has said “You are clearly the most technically skilled here, but…”. I wish I could try his food to get a better sense for what “technically skilled” steak and eggs taste like (must be the brandy).

Advantage: Hung

Leadership: A constant theme throughout the show, and often a reason for dismissing a contestant, is the chef-as-leader component of chefmanship. During team events, the elected/appointed leader had the most on the line, as the judges often looked to them for the successes and failures of the cuisine. This led to the dismissal of Tre (one of my early picks), but he took it like a man. Judge Tom constantly reminds us of the need for a Chef to be responsible for what food is served in the restaurant. So, even if they didn’t personally cook the food, they will be praised/scorned for its result. They also must have the appropriate personality for the lil’ underlings to wanna work for ‘em.

That said, none of these candidates really have that *something* which is the mark of a leader. Dale is a great guy, and seems like a good friend, but I don’t see the competitive fire necessary for leadership. Casey is awesome and kind, but there is no way she could command a presence in the kitchen. And then theres Hung. He might inspire with his skill and his energy, but no one is going to go to bat for him when shove comes to push.  I

I think Casey wins this category. I can see her assembling the proper staff and leading a calm, productive kitchen. She wins, but by a smidgen. Mr. Samback disagrees, but what do you expect from someone who once participated in a Wiffle Ball and Yodeling fantasy weekend?

Advantage: Casey

Historical Showings: While the chef dismissed each week isn’t really allowed to present their overall case to the judges, I think that in the finale this will be different. I think Padme et al will consider the body of work produced by each chef and that will factor into the final decision. Dale only has one event challenge win, and Casey has come on strong only recently with some impressive victories. Hung, with some exceptions, has been most consistantly near the top for the entire season.

Advantage: Hung

Wild Card: Gut instincts here. I think that Dale’s food just isn’t skilled enough, he makes good sauces, but thats about it. Hung’s food is too cold, too surgical. Casey has the widest range, the most heart. Dale will be eliminated first, and Hung and Casey will go head to head.

Hung’s food will be impressive, the judges will love the skill, the precision, the technique, everything. But Casey’s menu will just feel right, it will be food that they would order again and again, and want to share with their friends. It won’t be perfectly plated, or sauced, but it will have that *extra* something that Hung cannot create.

Casey wins.

Not that this would come as a suprise to anyone who watches SportsCenter at the crack of pre-dawn (or any other time, really), but observe the following quote from Chris “I am a one-trick pony” Berman:

“Rooting for Brett Favre is like rooting for America”.

Um, right.

Brett, will you please lower my taxes and let gay people get married?

Raise your hand if you are studying for actuarial exams.

Am I the only one raising my hand? Hmm, thats strange. Of course not, I’m sure that most of you are putting yourself through this.

“Is is that bad?”, asks Mr. Samback (best auctioneer this side of the Washtuknah Valley). Well, lets debate.

Pros:

1. Constantly intellectually stimulated
2. Defined career progress
3. Heavy use of skills already paid for in college
4. Textbooks paid for by The Company (ala Mr. Robot, I will be ambiguous for no real reason.)
5. Bonuses & Raise(n)s, not just a beougois bagelry.

Cons

1. Getting up at 4:45am (actuaries are the new farmers), to study.
2. Studying on the weekends.

Thats really about it for cons, but it could be a lot worse. Through the generosity of The Company, they pay me to take time off to study. Its not THAT much, roughly 4 hours a week for 4-5 months, but it does help. I still maintain an active and healthy status in this program, via my past success, as well as my willingness to take an exam waiver for this.

It also lessens the overall burden that G must all spend substantial portions of her weekend studying. So, I could be sitting around watching football (as I am, now), or advancing my Actuarial Abilities (as I am about to do, in a minute).

Passed Exams:

1. Exam P – Probability. Just remember Bayes’ theorem and you will be ok. Not that I did, or do, or will.
2. Exam FM – Interest Theory. How to talk get girls to talk to you, a very prescient topic among actuaries.
3. Exam M – Life Contingencies and Loss Models. What are the odds that you are thrown to the ground by your own coach, blow out your ACL, and fail to help your team achieve a post season berth? Good question, ask Parker Brothers.
4. Modules 1-5 – N/A. I’ve finished 1 and 2, I’m working on 3. I need to finish my summary report tonight so stop bugging me Mr. Samback!
5. Modules 6-8 – Not even thinking about ‘em. Or what comes after. This is a man’s game and we take it one week at a time.

 If you are in grad school, I strongly suggest you visit one tough von cookie.

Per Von Cookie, I will encorporate the “Snapshot”.

Snapshot:

1. 2 half burned candles.
2. Colts v. Denver on the boobie tubie.
3. Pumpkin soup in G’s belly
4. Steak in mine.
5. Shermo in his new bed.
6. Miss B., on the prowl.
7. Unthrown Vikings football languishing on the Ottomon Empire (imagine! an entire civilization built around putting your feet up!)